Sunday, January 30, 2011

Back! . . . Notes From the Other Side of Crazy

I haven't written on this blog for quite some time.  I think it was in October....before my mother died.  My beloved mother is gone and I remain heartsick and grief-stricken. 

I loved my mother but for all of my young years, I lived in fear of her.  I adored her but resented her inability to show affection.  I was my mother's favorite child but even I could never quite get past that early sixties atmosphere of cold that my parents created for their first four offspring. Spare the rod, spoil the child.  Children should be seen and only heard sometimes.  If you don't stop crying, I'll give you something to cry about.  Adults were always right and authority figures were never questioned.  Slight misbehaviors were punished with over-reacted restrictions.  Talking back earned a slap, if you were lucky.  A lie was grounds for blood.  No one questioned the bruises and I discovered drugs in the 7th grade..the same year Janis Joplin died.

My abused past died suddenly in October and now some issues will never be settled.  I am who I am because I lived just on the other side of crazy for most of my life.  I know because Mom told me I was crazy for the first time when I 13.

So, I am going to try to write in this blog.  Who knows, maybe it will become a habit.  Maybe I'll even get a following some day.
I miss writing.  Most of the time.